Princess Bride
by Xx-TeNshI-xX93
Summary: It's the story Princess Bride with a little twist...
1. Alfred & Iggy

Alfred F Jones was raised on a small farm in the country of Florin. Her favorite pastimes were eating hamburgers and tormenting the farm boy that worked there His name was Arthur, but she never called him that. Nothing gave her more pleasure than ordering Arthur around.

"Iggy, will you make me some hamburgers, I want twenty of them!" Alfred said.

"Stupid git" was Arthur would ever say to her.

"Iggy, will get me some water...please" Alfred said, on that day she was surprised to learn that when Arthur said 'stupid git' he was saying I love you. She was always surprised to learn she loved him back. They were very happy for many years until, but soon Arthur had to leave to find a job and earn money for their wedding.

"I'm afraid I'll never see you again!" Alfred exclaimed.

"Listen you stupid git, I will always come for you." Arthur stated a sad smile playing upon his lips.

"Goodbye Iggy" Alfred called waving his arm wildly, a red, white, and blue handkerchief in his hand.

"It's Arthur, you stupid git!" Arthur yelled back to his love.

Sadly Arthur never reached his destination. Pirates overran his ship, specifically the Dreaded Pirate Roberts. Alfred didn't come out of his room for three days. He didn't even eat his wonderful hamburgers so stricken with grief he was. He stayed there for many days until the prince came down and fell in love at first sight with Alfred's looks. This Prince's name was Ivan.

Alfred's emptiness consumed her. Although the law of the land gave Ivan the right to choose his bride, she did not love him. Despite Ivan's reassurances that she would grow to love him, the only joy she found was in her daily ride.

"A word, my lady. We are but poor, lost circus performers. Is there a village nearby?" A man named Francis asked, he had the look of some pervert.

"There is nothing nearby...not for miles." Alfred responded foolishly unaware of the man's intentions.

"Then there will be no one to hear you scream!" Francis cried out as Gilbert hit a pressure point on Alfred's neck causing her to fall asleep. They quickly dragged her over to their boat.

"What is that you're ripping?" Antonio asked Francis as he watched him rip a piece of cloth apart and tie it to Alfred's horse.

"Hon hon, it's fabric from the uniform of an army officer of Gilder."

"Who's Gilder?" Antonio asked the Frenchmen.

"The country across the sea, the sworn enemy of Florin" Gilbert responded in Francis's place.


	2. Rhymes

Upon a tiny isolated spot upon the Florin channel, a sailboat is moored. It was dusk now, and the shadows are long. Antonio, the Spaniard, has busied himself getting the boat ready. Finished tying the cloth to the saddle of the horse Francis smacks its rump and jumps into the boat to join Antonio and Gilbert.

"Once the horse reaches the castle, the fabric will make the Prince suspects the Guilderians have abducted his love. When he finds her body dead on the Guilder frontier, his suspicions will be totally confirmed. " The Frenchmen stated an evil look in his eye."

"You never said anything about killing anyone" Gilbert said unhappily.

"I've hired you to help me start a war. That's a prestigious line of work with a long and glorious tradition.

"I just don't think it's right, killing an innocent girl." Gilbert stated as he scratched the back of his head looking at the wooden planks of the boat.

"Am I going mad or did the word _think_ escape your lips?" France replied angrily. "You were not hired for your brains, you washed up boozer."

"I agree with Gilbert." Antonio said to Francis firmly.

Francis was truly mad at them now. "Never forget this!" he yelled at them than pointed his finger at Gilbert, "When I found you, you were so slobbering drunk you couldn't even afford beer!" He than whirled around to Antonio, "and you!" he called "Friendless, brainless, hopeless want me to send you back to where you were unemployed in Mexico!"

Gilbert is fuming at the insults he just received as Antonio scooted close to him.

"That Francis he sure can fuss" he said to Gilbert, emphasizing the word **fuss**.

Gilbert was confused for a second before he got it, "I think he likes to scream at us."

"Probably means no harm" Antonio replied.

"He's really very short on charm"

"Oh you've got a great gift for rhyme," Antonio said to his companion proudly.

"Yes, most of the time" Gilbert said grinning.

Francis twirled around and glared at them "arête ça!" (Stop that).

"Gilbert are there rocks ahead?"

"If there are we'll all be dead…"

"No more rhymes now! I mean it!" Francis said to them his face beginning to turn red.

"Anybody want a peanut?" asked Gilbert a sly smile on his face.

Author's Note:

Ugh I didn't want Gilbert to be out of character and stupid so I tried my best but I want the story to closely follow Princess Bride! I also wish I could make France less short tempered but oh well. On a side not yay I updated something! I'm awesome! Not as awesome as Prussia though. I'll probably actually finish this cause I've been bored lately~


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